Dwelling on others is something that I get so caught up doing. I need to stop checking up on what is going on in the lives of other people because I just end up getting jealous because I don't have something.

Its just so hard. I need to think about just what is going on with me and not want what others have. There are times when I so badly want to get pregnant so that I have my own child. But then there are times when I want to give up on trying to get pregnant because I dont think that my body can handle it or that I can get pregnant. I guess the way I think of it is that if I say that I don't want to get pregnant to others then it won't be so hard for me to accept that it might not happen to me.

I know that I really should not lose hope. I'm only 22 and I have alot of time still, but I'm still scared. I'm terrified that it will never happen to me. I just want one healthy baby. I don't smoke or drink, but I see others around me who get pregnant and live a high-risk lifestyle.

There are things that I need to change in my life. I need to eat better and stay more active. Maybe it will come someday. I just need to be happy with where I am in my life now.